This week, my daughter and son head back to school. Alongside the new uniforms, packed lunches, and fresh routines, there’s been a mix of nervousness and a little excitement especially about seeing friends again 

For many families, back-to-school season is emotional. But for families of neurodivergent children, it can be especially hard. The pressure, the uncertainty, the sensory load, the expectations all of it can feel bigger, heavier, and more overwhelming 

When burnout doesn’t magically disappear over the holidays 

At the end of last year, we were all in clear burnout. The kind that seeps into everything energy, confidence, regulation, joy. While the school holidays have helped, I don’t feel like we have fully recovered. That brings with it a lot of uncertainty, and some hard questions I’m still sitting with. 

Is mainstream schooling the right path for us long-term?
Are we pushing too hard, too soon?
What does success really look like for us? 

Right now, we’re taking it term by term. I’m focusing on setting them up for success as best I can and seeing how the first term unfolds, while staying open to the possibility that we may need to adjust our approach 

Why transitions can feel so big 

Sudden changes in routine and big transitions can be extremely triggering for neurodivergent children. Anxiety can spike, regulation can drop, and what looks like “behaviour” is often just a nervous system in distress. 

That’s why in our home, we gradually reintroduce routines about two weeks before school goes back ⏳ We slowly shift sleep schedules, talk more about school, bring structure back into the day, and begin preparing emotionally. It’s not perfect but it helps reduce the shock of going from holiday mode straight into full-time demands. 

Supporting her transition back to school 

One of the most helpful supports this year has been her social story 📖 

I asked her inclusion teacher to create a social story for her to read over the holidays. It included: 

  • What will stay the same 
  • What will be different 
  • Photos of her new classroom 
  • Her teacher and support teacher 
  • Where she will eat lunch 
  • What her day might look like 

Social stories help build familiarity and reduce anxiety before an event. They’re not just useful for starting a new school year they can also support children before excursions, discos, transitions, or any change in routine. 

We also focused on bringing some joy into the transition I included her in choosing a few fun new things for school: 

  • A new pencil case 
  • New shoes 
  • A keyring for her bag 
  • A new cuddle buddy (a small soft toy she can take to school for comfort) 

The cuddle buddy is one of her accommodations. While children are generally not supposed to bring toys to school, this small adjustment helps her feel safe and regulated and that matters more than strict rules 

Making space for big feelings 

She’s had a lot of “red thoughts” coming into the new school year worries, fears, and worst-case scenarios. We’ve been working on validating those feelings rather than dismissing them: 

“That makes sense.”
“I can see why that feels scary.”
“You’re not wrong for feeling that way.” 

From there, we gently try to redirect toward “green thoughts” not forced positivity, but realistic, supportive alternatives that help her feel a little safer and more capable 🌱 

A different focus for my son 

My son is heading into Grade 10, and our conversations look different this year. For him, we’re focusing on autonomy and choice. 

He’s chosen his subjects.
He has more control over what he’s learning.
And he knows there are other pathways available now that he’s older if the current one no longer fits. 

That sense of agency matters especially for young people who’ve spent years feeling like school happens to them rather than with them 

For any parent navigating back to school with a nervous child 

If you’re in this season too, here are a few gentle tips that may help: 

  • Gradually reintroduce routines before school starts 
  • Use social stories to build predictability and safety 
  • Involve your child in choosing school items to increase buy-in 
  • Allow comfort items if possible (even small ones can make a big difference) 
  • Validate anxious thoughts before trying to reframe them 💬 
  • Focus on progress, not perfection 
  • Take it one term, one week, or even one day at a time 

Back to school can be hard. It can also be hopeful. Often, it’s both at once 

And if you’re holding mixed emotions right now uncertainty, fear, hope, exhaustion, determination you’re not alone 🤝 

By Kylie Gardner

The A List 💛