For many autistic people, one of the hardest things to explain is the fear of being perceived that uncomfortable feeling that comes from being looked at, watched, or judged. It’s not just shyness. It’s a deep emotional and sometimes sensory reaction that can make everyday situations feel overwhelming.
This experience is real, valid, and more common than many realise.
👀 What Does “Fear of Being Perceived” Mean?
The fear of being perceived is the anxiety that comes with the idea of being seen, noticed, or evaluated by others. It can look like:
- Feeling exposed when someone makes eye contact
- Not wanting attention on them in group settings
- Overthinking how they speak, move, or behave
- Avoiding situations where they might stand out
- Feeling tense or uncomfortable when eating or talking around others
For autistic people, this can be emotionally draining and sometimes physically overwhelming.
🔍 Why Is This Feeling So Strong in Autism?
- Social Rules Feel Unclear
Autistic individuals often feel pressure to “mask” or act in a way that feels unnatural. Being watched can trigger fear of making a mistake or not fitting in.
- Sensory Overload
Eye contact can feel intense, loud environments can heighten stress, and being watched can create a sensory pressure that’s hard to describe.
- Past Experiences
Many autistic people have been:
- Corrected for how they communicate
- Misunderstood for stimming
These moments shape how safe it feels to be seen.
- Hyper-awareness
Some autistic individuals are very aware of their own movements, expressions, or tone which makes attention from others feel even heavier.
😟 How This Links to Anxiety
Living with the fear of being perceived can create constant uncertainty:
- “Am I doing something wrong?”
- “Are they looking at me?”
- “What if I embarrass myself?”
- “What if I can’t cope and people notice?”
This can lead to:
- Avoiding social activities
- Difficulty being themselves around others
It’s not about avoiding people it’s about avoiding overwhelm.
💛 Signs Someone Might Be Feeling This
You may notice them:
- Sitting where they feel less visible
- Speaking quietly or hesitating
- Appearing tense in group settings
- Avoiding activities where they feel “on show”
- Stimming more when nervous
These are coping strategies, not rudeness or withdrawal.
🌼 How We Can Support Someone Experiencing This
Create Low-Pressure Spaces
- Avoid putting attention on them suddenly
- Give extra time to respond
- Allow alternative communication (texts, notes, emails)
Respect Comfort Levels
- Let them choose where they sit
- Understand the need for breaks or quiet time
Validate Their Experience
A simple “It’s okay, take your time” can be incredibly grounding.
Increase Predictability
- Give notice before changes
🌈 The Goal: Feeling Safe to Just Be Themselves
The fear of being perceived isn’t a flaw, it’s a response shaped by sensory sensitivities, social expectations, and lived experiences. When autistic people feel safe, understood, and respected, anxiety eases and confidence grows.
By creating spaces where someone doesn’t feel “on display,” we help them feel seen in the way that truly matters accepted, valued, and free to be themselves.
By Kylie Gardner
The A List 💛
