As a mum of three incredible neurodivergent children aged 7 to 17 and as someone who is also Autistic and ADHD (AuDHD) advocating for our needs often feels like a full-time job 🧠💼. My life is a constant rotation of emails, ILP meetings, navigating school systems, supporting meltdowns, celebrating wins, and trying (often struggling) to remember my own needs in the process. Whether it’s pushing for appropriate supports at school, explaining neurodivergent challenges for the hundredth time, or just making sure we’re all emotionally regulated enough to get through the day, this journey is equal parts exhausting and empowering 💪.
Over time, I’ve learned how crucial it is to advocate not just for my kids, but for myself. And in doing so, I’ve picked up practical strategies and tools to make this process less overwhelming and more sustainable. This blog shares tips that have worked for us both in school environments and in everyday life, because no one should have to feel like they’re navigating this alone.
Learning to Ask for Accommodations – For Kids, Teens, and Ourselves
Advocacy starts with knowing what we need. But this is often a skill we have to learn and model especially in neurodivergent families.
- Identify the Need
Start with observation 👀. When does your child struggle? What makes things easier for them? Talk through those moments together to build self-awareness. For adults and older Teens, keep a journal or voice note log of patterns like sensory overload in certain spaces, or needing more processing time.
- Teach the Language of Needs and Supports
Kids (and adults!) may not have the words yet 🧏♀️. Try sentence starters like:
- “I find it hard to ___ unless I can ___.”
These can turn into scripts they can use in school or social settings 📝.
- Practice Asking in Safe Environments
Roleplay with family, therapists, or trusted teachers 👥. Practice saying things like:
- “Can I wear my headphones during writing time?”
- “I need a break. Is there a quiet space I can use?”
- “I have ADHD and it helps if I get instructions one step at a time.”
- Model It Yourself
As a parent, show your kids what self-advocacy looks like in everyday life. Let them hear you ask for what you need too:
- “I need a few minutes of quiet before I can talk.”
- “I get overwhelmed in big crowds, so I’m going to step outside for a bit.”
By modeling this openly, you’re not just giving permission you’re teaching by example.
- Validate and Empower
Celebrate when they advocate, even in small ways 🎉. Remind them it’s not “being difficult” it’s being clear. When asking for accommodations becomes normal, it becomes possible 🌈.
- Use Visuals and Tools
Don’t underestimate the power of visuals especially if you or your child are visual communicators. Visual schedules, emotion charts, or “I need help” cards can empower independence and communication in public settings.
- Make Space for Rest and Recovery
Advocacy can be emotionally taxing. Build in time for rest after big events or meetings 😴. It’s okay to cancel plans, take a day off, or say no. You’re not just advocating you’re living this life. And that takes energy.
- Find (or Build) Your Community
Join support groups online or in person where you can share experiences and get advice 🤝. Community can be a lifeline when you feel isolated, judged, or overwhelmed. If one doesn’t exist in your area, consider starting one even if it’s just a casual monthly meet-up at a local park or café.
Advocating at School: Tips for Parents and Students
- Build Collaborative Relationships with Educators
You don’t have to fight every battle with fire. Start by building mutual respect with your child’s teacher or support staff. Be honest about what’s working and what’s not. Provide clear examples of what your child needs (e.g. sensory breaks, shorter instructions, or access to noise-cancelling headphones 🎧) and make it a team effort.
- Understand Your Rights and Policies
Knowledge is power 💡. Get familiar with your child’s Individual Learning Plan (ILP), Personalised Learning Plan (PLP), and your local/state disability education policies. Knowing what your child is entitled to makes it easier to advocate clearly and confidently.
- Keep a “Communication Folder”
Designate a folder (physical or digital) for all emails, reports, meeting notes, and letters 📂📧. When emotions run high or timelines get busy, having everything in one place helps you stay organised and ready to advocate with clarity.
- Encourage Self-Advocacy
Support your child/teen in understanding their own learning needs and practicing how to express them. Roleplay conversations they might have with teachers or friends, and remind them that speaking up is a strength, not a weakness 💪.
💬 What Self-Advocacy Looks Like for Neurodivergent People
- Knowing your needs and being able to express them clearly 🧭
- Asking for help or accommodations without guilt 🙋
- Setting boundaries around your time, energy, and space 🛑
- Speaking up when something isn’t working 📢
- Accepting yourself and celebrating your unique brain 🧠💜
Self-advocacy is not just about getting through the day it’s about thriving on your terms 🌟. And while the systems we deal with aren’t always set up with us in mind, change starts when we raise our voices, ask the hard questions, and create space for all of us to be heard 🎙️.
Final Thoughts
If you’re feeling tired, frustrated, or like you’re carrying too much please know you’re not alone 🧡. Advocacy isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. You are your child’s biggest champion, and your voice matters. And if you’re neurodivergent yourself, your own well-being is just as important. Let’s keep showing up for ourselves and each other with honesty, compassion, and courage.
The A List
