For neurodivergent people, energy use can feel unpredictable. Things that seem simple on the outside like putting on socks, having a conversation, or showering can drain a huge number of spoons because of sensory overload, decision-making fatigue, or interoception differences (that’s the awareness of what’s happening inside your body, like hunger, thirst, or needing the bathroom).
Understanding spoons helps us notice these invisible costs. It also helps us plan, pace, and be kinder to ourselves and our children. 💕
Learning About Our Family’s Spoons 👨👩👧
In our family, we’ve started rating spoons on a scale of 1 to 4. Instead of thinking of energy as “all or nothing,” this scale gives us a clearer picture of what things really cost or give back.
Here’s what we’ve learned so far:
- Showers are completely different for each of us. 🚿 For my daughter, a shower takes 4 spoons away. The sounds, sensations, and transitions are exhausting. For me though, a shower actually gives me 4 spoons. It’s refreshing and calming.
- Social events can be unpredictable. Sometimes they’re energising (if the environment feels safe and fun 🎉), other times they’re draining beyond measure.
- Food is another big difference. 🍽️ Eating and making food often takes spoons away from my daughter because of her sensory sensitivities the textures, smells, and effort can be overwhelming. For me though, cooking and eating is something I love it actually gives me spoons back, filling me with comfort and joy.
This process has shown us how deeply personal spoon use is. The same activity can look completely different from person to person.
Why Parents Need to Learn Their Own Spoons Too 🌻
One of the most powerful lessons from this journey has been recognising that as parents, we need to understand ourselves too. It’s not just about tracking my daughter’s spoons it’s about being honest about my own.
When I know that I’m running low, I can:
- Step back before I burn out. 🔋
- Model self-awareness and self-care for my kids.
- Be more empathetic when my daughter says she “has no spoons left.”
If I don’t acknowledge my own limits, I risk pushing both of us too far. But when I do, we’re able to support each other better.
The Takeaway ✨
Spoon Theory has given our family a shared language to talk about energy, overwhelm, and self-care. It helps us make sense of why things can feel so different for each of us, and it gives us permission to honour those differences.
What drains me might restore my daughter. What’s effortless for someone else might take every last spoon for us. And that’s okay.
By learning to respect spoons, our children’s and our own we create a more compassionate home where everyone’s needs matter. 💜🥄
By Kylie Gardner
The A List
