Today, I want to speak openly about a deeply personal experience: the shared loneliness of emotional unavailability, through my own lens as an Autistic person.

Emotional unavailability can feel like shutting down or numbing your emotions in order to cope with life. It is not often discussed in autistic and neurodivergent spaces, and I want to share my story in the hope that it helps me heal a little more, and helps others who relate to this experience feel less alone.

From what I have learned, emotional unavailability is not exclusive to autism. It often grows out of trauma—emotional, physical, or otherwise. In my own lived experience, though, some of the more challenging traits of autism can make it easier for me to slip into this state.

It can feel overwhelming, because sometimes it feels as simple as asking myself in the morning, “Do I want to switch my emotions off today, or should I let myself feel them?”

It is not easy to fully unpack all the complexities, the myths, or even the small comforts that can come with emotional unavailability. But what I can share are a few strategies that have helped me reconnect, ground myself, and move back toward my emotions in a healthier way.

Find a Happy Trigger

One of the most effective things for me is doing something that brings me simple, sensory-based joy.

For example, bubble tea is one of my small “guilty pleasures.” It is a grounding experience because it engages all five senses. The texture, temperature, flavour, and even the sound of the cup and straw bring me into the moment.

When I choose a flavour I love, it often helps me gently return to my emotions instead of staying numb. It is a small act, but it reminds me that I can still feel comfort, enjoyment, and connection.

Let Yourself Reach Out

If you are struggling to manage your emotions, it is okay to ask for help.

For me, partially or fully numbing my emotions often leads to an emotional release later on. That release can come in the form of an autistic meltdown, which is very different from a tantrum, even if it can look similar from the outside.

I am naturally very independent and can be stubborn about doing things on my own. I like to feel in control of my situation. But I have learned that reaching out does not take away my autonomy. In fact, it can strengthen it.

Sometimes that means calling a trusted friend. Other times it means attending my GROW 12-step program, whether that is joining a group session or even sending a simple message.

What helps me is being given strategies and choosing which ones work for me. That choice gives me a sense of empowerment. Having my feelings validated and normalised also helps me feel supported and makes it more likely that I will seek support again in the future.

Remember You Are Worthy of Feeling

I try to remind myself every day that I am worthy of my emotions, of connection, and of being present with myself and others.

One way I do this is through affirming oracle or affirmation cards. I am naturally a spiritual person, and these small daily messages help set the tone for my day.

Recently, one of my cards read “Advocacy.” That word stayed with me, and I spent the day thinking about how I could better advocate for myself and my needs.

These small reminders may seem simple, but they help reinforce the idea that my emotions, experiences, and voice matter.

Seek Immediate Support When It Feels Deeper

If emotional unavailability starts to feel like something heavier, such as a hidden form of depression, it is important to seek professional or crisis support.

A therapist once told me that long-term emotional numbness can be closely linked to depression if it goes unaddressed.

There are times when my ability to switch off my emotions feels almost like a “skill.” I can shut everything down in seconds and feel fine, as though I have solved all my problems. But that sense of relief is often temporary and misleading.

In those moments, I am more vulnerable to serious emotional challenges, such as thoughts of self-harm or unhealthy coping behaviours like excessive sleeping.

What helps me most is having a plan in place.

When things feel urgent or overwhelming, I reach out to crisis or peer support services. Talking to someone with lived experience helps me feel understood and validated. Problem-solving together can make the strategies feel real and achievable, not just theoretical.

That kind of support, honest and human, can truly be lifesaving.

A Closing Thought

Emotional unavailability can feel lonely, heavy, and isolating. But it does not have to be faced alone.

For me, healing has come in small, imperfect steps: a comforting drink, a phone call, a quiet moment of self-affirmation, or a brave decision to ask for help.

If you see yourself in any part of this story, I hope you know that your feelings matter, your experiences are real, and you deserve care, understanding, and connection.

By Suzanna
The A List Ambassador